@_salt_n_lime

Just sent my husband a text meant for my bf and now he thinks I want to have sex.

You Might Also Like

@agasramirez

Quarantine Day 31: I joined a Facebook group where we all pretend to be ants in an ant colony

@InternetHippo

[presenting my dissertation] Tom has been chasing Jerry for years, but all he gets if he catches him is a light snack. The time investment isn’t worth the reward. Tom is therefore a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. Next slide please,

@NYorNothing

Sex is like pizza, there’s NO reason it should ever involve vegetables

@SortaBad

I’ve upped my game so now instead of buying women at the bar drinks I buy them a pony

@Parkerlawyer

My best friend is marrying my husband’s best friend. What could possibly go wrong?

@InternetHippo

If you’re just out of school and working at your first adult job you may be wondering, “Is this really all there is to life?” and the answer is no! There’s also back pain

@kelkulus

I don’t understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It’s much more awkward trying to return them. “She didn’t like me.”

@WilliamRodgers

“If you love something, set it free…”

Unless it’s a man…

Cause he’ll get lost…

And you know he won’t ask for directions…

@Underchilde

All these fireworks and still my girlfriend has the shortest fuse.