Your baby’s cute. Not baby elephant cute, but still cute.
Just shook a piece of cellophane off my finger and now I’m exhausted.
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Netflix and Will…
…you stop trying to touch me?
*popular kid is struggling in class
*gets a tutor to help
My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
Finding Nemo (2003) A father is criticized for being overprotective after his wife & kids are murdered & his only surviving son is kidnapped
Gee, I’m so hungry I could eat a horse
*nearby horse slams down his whisky*
COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY
*horse throws the 1st punch*
Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you’re kinda boring and you’ve been on top of everything.
You: Where’s Carl?
Me: That fool done gone and lost his mind
You: Thats too bad. What’s for dinner?
Me: Funny you should ask
Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis.
Contestant: What is love?
*dance party erupts*