Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

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When she said “I think we got way too much pizza.” I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.


reporter: tell us how you thwarted the robbery

me: [shrugs] he told us to put our hands where he could see them so I put them over his eyes


Here’s a little song about post-Christmas cleanup it’s called “Where the Hell Are We Going to Put All This Shit” and a one and a two


The scary moment when the person you just watched sneeze in their hand wants to shake your hand


If you wear a mask you look like a cool Mortal Kombat character and people will want to do sex to you


Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you’ve eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right?

Hey, fellas