Karate and loose meat sandwiches.
Welcome to Sloppy Dojo’s. I’ll be your sensei for this evening.
All salads come with our own roundhouse dressing
You Might Also Like
I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life
I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I’d be shopping at the dollar store.
33, Male, Jerusalem. You?
They want us to stay current with our training, yet the training videos show people using BlackBerries.
her: wanna come over
me: can’t i’m at an office party
her: ur self-employed
me: and having a great time
OBI WAN KENOBI: These are not the droids you’re looking for
GUARD: [licks lips] I’m not looking for droids handsome
There is no greater lie than “if you tell the truth, I won’t get mad.”
i wish it was legal to leave the house without spending at least $100 but they actually shoot you execution style if you try
Bad news – science doesn’t want your body. Looks like your only choice is to put it up on Facebook marketplace
Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now.
I still remember when my 10th grade English teacher told us we were going to have a special guest FOR WEEKS and then the special guest turned out to be him in a hat.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Santa.”
“Santa who?”
“Santa who has to use the door because you left your fireplace burning, jackass.”
Some cultures fear that when someone takes your photograph they steal your soul.
You should be fine, though.
neighbor kid, play fighting: are you ready to taste pain?
my kid, mumbling under his breath: I’m ready to taste cheese
I just need you to see the stairs in an apartment I viewed. Am I a mountain goat?
it’ll be another 20 years before vampires can go to the bank again
to the spirits in my walls: going to the store be right back.
*updates tinder bio*
According to a recent survey, 100% of HR agree that I’m not allowed to take money out of the swear jar to throw at my co-workers.
I remember when I used to play hard to get.. now I’m like hi i love you, ring size 4.5, my uterus is healthy, please marry me.
A bunch of things I labeled yesterday as tomorrow problems had the nerve to show up today and I’m just like excuse me who said you could be here.
Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.
“You like mayonnaise? Prove it.” – Costco
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don’t know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
kinda feel like the bridge overreacted
Update my mom has decided that my peanut butter intake is too high so she has hidden all the peanut butter. Little does she know I went to the store and bought more and while I was hiding it I found the other hidden container. Double peanut butter. Game on Amy.
I don’t understand interventions. What’s the point of being told u drink too much by a room full of the reasons u drink in the first place?
Alhumdulillah my country is full of talent