Karate Kid (1984, PG): An old Asian man tricks a bullied teenager into doing household chores for him.
[126 minutes]
You Might Also Like
Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn
me: I just don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us
bucket of fried chicken:
me: i’d love* to go to your neighborhood block** party, Carol, sign me up***
*hate
**gossip
***i’d rather eat worms
HBO
HBO GO
HBO NOW
HBO MAX
HBO RAGNAROK
HBO TOKYO DRIFT
MAX
She asked me to go deeper so I started quoting Nietzsche
If I add up all the cheese I ate this year, you’d think I’m actually made of moon.
My landlord is showing the house next door, I’m now blasting music in the backyard and burning trash.
My kids love taking turns. For example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out.
“Pyromaniac” puts it strongly. I enjoy starting fires. It’s not my whole deal.
Ok now I can see why they say a dog is a MAN’S best friend. Just asked my dog what he thought of my new boots and it’s like he doesn’t even give a shit.
Since Monopoly replaced its tiny iron, the talking mice in my walls now all have wrinkled shirts.
BOSS: why are you so late?
ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha
BOSS: well i was and i got here on time
You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?
1st child: you encourage creativity
2nd child: you encourage independent play
3rd child: you stifle all imagination to avoid a mess.
My mom: why didn’t you say yes when I asked if you had a boyfriend?
Me: you asked if there were any “lucky men” in my life. My boyfriend’s life is miserable
Wife: what are you doing?
Me: rewatching Frozen.
Wife: why?
Me: so I know what’s going on when I take our Daughter to see Frozen II.
Wife: why?
Me: so we can talk about both movies on the drive home.
Wife: why?
Me: cause she loves Frozen and I want to share this with her.
The name England comes from the words ‘engorged’ and ‘gland’ inspired, of course, by the shape of the country.
Jurassic Park came out 30 years ago, and now I feel like the fossil.
Executioner: *sweating, hauling up guillotine blade for the ninth time* Please, I have to go home.
Turtle: I won’t pull in this time lol
[Getting lucky on the first date]
Me: Hey, there’s an onion ring in my fries!
take that, baby!!! he knows what he did.
My 3-year-old stubbed his toe and then cried and screamed I’M DYING,” so I silently looked at my husband and he sighed and said, “I know. He got that from me.”
I haven’t bought my kids gingerbread houses since the year they turned them into crime scenes with chalk outlines.
Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it’s only Wednesday
it was love at first sight
Amuse yourself at dinner parties by stealing one of their forks and replacing it with one of your own
the perfect lunchbox d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶e̶x̶i̶s̶t̶
DATE: you smell so nice – what are you wearing?
ME: Febreeze
If zombies eat brains, 90% of Twitter is safe.
Coffee cause nowadays there’s just too many cameras in the world to get away with anything.