KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I’ll show you dumb.

You Might Also Like


I’m gonna go out on a limb and declare ‘Drugs’ the winner of the war on drugs.


Last week my husband made a delicious chocolate mousse. Today he confessed that it was made with tofu. I’m doubtful our marriage can survive such deceit.


History Trivia: In many photographs of Hitler,a golden retriever wearing a Nazi uniform can be seen. This is notorious war criminal Herr Bud


Hard to tell if the wife is more upset that I referred to our anniversary as an ‘annual appraisal’ or that she got a C


The iPad Air is named after what’s left in your bank account when you buy one.


ME: *Opening my office Secret Santa gift and it’s a loaf of bread* Wooow, well, thank you, to WHOEVER this was from!

MY ONLY DUCK COWORKER: *Whispers excitedly* It was me. I was your Secret Santa.


Me: I want beer

Cashier: ok how much



Me: I want it so so much


New sheets new sheets watcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when I sleep in you


[Calling guy I met in bar in ’91]

Me: Remember you said “Call me any time?” Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.