@junejuly12: Keep microwaving fish in the office and stop wondering why you never get a desk by the windows.
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@AnitaHelmet: Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: You know, those little glow in the dark stars that kids put on their ceilings Mortician: I am 100% sure we don’t offer those in coffins
@IamEveryDayPpl: <first date> Him: *wipes mouth and tosses napkin on unfinished plate* Me: *seductively slides napkin to the side and finishes his meal*