@daddydoubts

Ketchup isn’t food.

-words to ruin a toddlers day

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@squirrel74wkgn

[crumpled up paper on floor]

*tries to flip it up like hacky sack*
*tries to flip it up…*
*tries to flip…*
*tries…*

*leaves it*

@AnOrangeSNES

We need to overthrow that Tyrannosaurus Rex and democratically elect a Presidentosaurus Rex

@botandy

Sitting with 7 y/o in garden. “Let’s go outside” he says. He appears to be referring to a dimension I cannot see.

@bourgeoisalien

I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I’m unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day.

@shkeeber

Mom: Why are you eating my flowers?

Me: I’m gonna be young FOREVER!

Mom: How?

Me: Duh, from the stem cells.

Mom: I’m worried about you.

@PinkCamoTO

Physiotherapist: So tell me how you injured yourself?

Me: Rock climbing.

PT:

Me:

PT:

Me: *whispers* taking off my sports bra.

@dog_feelings

my ear. is inside out. and the human. is not home to fix it. i have put the household. on alert level. dark grey.

@kikdbakbitch

7: I need a pet pig so I can always have bacon.

Me: There are some fundamental flaws in your plan but I like the way you think.