My new erotic novel “Love in the time of autocorrect” will be out soon. Here is a sample
kid that threw a ball into my yard: hey give it back
me: *hugging his dog* no
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i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved
Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone “what are you supposed to be?” without triggering an existential crisis.
The Internet: An electronic version of, “Now, why did I walk into this room?”
“Can I pet your dog?”
“Sure, but he can be aggressive.”
[He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]
Her: Wow this place is posh
Me: *clicks fingers* Garçon, we’d like to order food
Me: No, on plates, you fool
“It’s gonna taste really good.” – excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You’re Expecting Pizza
Butt weight. There’s more!
They add a scent to natural gas so we can smell it if there’s a leak and we’re in danger. Same reason Axe Body Spray has a scent.
Me: You’re leaving me again?
Me: Is it because I mix up the suffixes for ordinal numbers?
Her: (walking downstairs)
Me: ..my misuse of common sayings?
Her: (opening door)
Me: Come on, one more chance!
Her: (car starting)
Me, yelling: 5rd time’s a charm!