HER: I’m into the outdoorsy type
ME: [Trying to impress her] I dumped a body in the woods once
Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I’m done talking.
You Might Also Like
next time you hear The Boys Are Back In Town think of me, the unsung hero, who chases the boys out of town with a broom
I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she’s still not talking to me.
Vet: I’m afraid I’m going to have to put your horse down
Me: But why?
Vet: It’s very heavy
why isn’t thunder called soundning
BOSS: I want to see you in my office.
ME: Wow, thanks. You can have my cubicle.
People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what’s it like to exercise?
*gets into any creepy van*
*Gets kicked out*
Remember when all we had to worry about was a little poop on our lettuce?
All i’m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.