Knock knock?? Who’s there?? Jehovah Witness. Knock knock?? Knock knock?? Hello?? Knock knock??

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Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland’s best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.


I’m going to stay off my phone today and clean my house.
Narrator: She stayed off her phone for 25 minutes and cleaned off the couch to nap.


*climbs into windowless van*

*puts on “Free Hugs” t-shirt*

*heads out to make new friends*


*waits for lawyer in windowless room*


Hubs: Ok boys, pick a number 1-4

3 year old: Lion Gaurd!

5 year old: 5!

So yes, homeschooling is going quite well.


I live on the edge

Her: cool

It’s scary

Her: So sexy

I almost fell once

Her: Oh! You actually live..

My home insurance is so expensive


Me: It’s not working out between us. You’re too suffocating.

Darth Vader:


I need Apple to develop a slurred speech to text feature.