Uppercuts a horse. Creates the first girrafe.
[landlord showing new tenant around]
“No smoking allowed”
“How about pets?”
[dog walks in and lights up]
“We’ll take it”
You Might Also Like
A Guy Doing Push Ups ‘One.. Two.. Three..’
*A Girl Passes by..*
Guy: “82.. 83.. 84..”
Really enjoyed rearranging my onions into a different position this morning for half an hour. Huge day for us.
*sprinkles rose petals*
*puts on Barry White*
*arranges scented oils*
*opens private tab in browser*
*hangs a vacant sign on your forehead*
If you see me in court you’d think I was furiously taking notes, but 9 times out of 10, I’m usually drawing a t-rex eating a witness.
Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn’t find my membership card…
A new one was $10
A donut & coffee were $3
Guess who saved $7?
I wish the Popemobile was outfitted more like a little aquarium for him. Put a treasure chest in there, maybe even a scuba guy.
I remember when people had the common decency to not look at you while you’re staring at them.
For a cat named Jingles, his tambourine accompaniment to my blistering bongo solo isn’t that impressive.