Does the employee manual say I CAN’T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
“Wine!” exclaims Jesus touching everyone’s water glasses. “Wine, wine, wine [arrives at Judas] Mountain Dew lol.”
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Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink?
Me: Yes, it’s a period piece.
Exercise good judgement? I don’t think so, I don’t exercise anything.
DETROIT: im doing a secret show at 8pm tonigt at a small club dowmtown! mesage me for details!!!
ME: omg a talkimg city
If a woman wants to date me, she has to meet my strict criteria
2. At least one eye
3. A pulse
4. Not that bothered about 1
[travels back in time]
[accidentally kills Baby Charlie Chaplin]
15 Is The Age Where You Either Look Like 11 Or 25.
Me: We should set up a play date
Hot dad at park: You have a kid?
Me: No, I said WE should
An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It’s the most adorable massacre in history.
If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for: