@LizHackett: Last week, my dog rolled a ball into a sewer drain and it was gone. I just found it on the street. What is the clown-thanking etiquette?
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@HowToBeADad: Can you die from sitting on the floor to play with your kid, because I just tried to get up and it feels like you can die from it.
@imskytrash: barista: name for the latte? me: it's Zach with an "h" *two minutes later* barista: i've got a latte for Hach
@heatherlou_: Yes, I wear this shirt a lot. It’s my shirt that I purchased and I own a washing machine. Amazing.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1.