I do not encourage eating cats. But judging by the amount of time they spend licking themselves, I bet they are probably pretty damn tasty.
Learned today that it’s about 12 min after realizing there’s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are
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Cap: good morning Avengers let’s begin
Iron Man: wait spider-man is missing
Open Mouth Man: weird he was here when i went to sleep last nite
Keeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile.
surprise your friends by filling your beehive hairdo with bees!
“Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but
*giraffe lowers head*
on the ground we’re still looking good.”
One day you’ll find someone who loves you for you. Someone with low, low, super way low standards. Lower than what you’re thinking right now
I said something about the 1918 influenza and my friend’s like “that’s how Edward Cullen died”
kidnapper: if u don’t eat this salad we’ll kill ur friend
me: which friend
Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to Dying Alone.
DATE: I’m a historian, I love the mediaeval era
ME: [trying to impress her] *dies at 28*