@StellaRtwot

Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.

You Might Also Like

@msdanifernandez

Cashier: do you want cash back?
Me: I mean who wouldn’t. There’s ring of fire, I walk the line. Let’s not forget his christmas album

@007Pepe_Rex

A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he’s allright.

Guess he was lucky

*puts on sunglasses*

It was a soft drink

#FFFC

@longwall26

Me: I want to buy this chicken
Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him?
*imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy*
Me: Yes

@Rachelnoise

After three beers in a bikini I quit holding in my stomach and just think of baby names to tell people.

@ObscureGent

If YouTube ever goes down nobody will ever figure out how to tie a tie again.

@gavinspeiller

Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase “but there’s a good chance I’m wrong about that”

@imence2

I always take my kids on vacation during drug awareness week…because there’s just some things they should learn from their dad.

@elenacresci

guy cheats on ex. Ex blocks on all platforms. Unblocks just to send GoT spoilers every week

@VikeeysSecret

Aladdin’s love for carpet rides must have saved Jasmine thousands of dollars in waxing fees and razors.