Legacy implies the existence of armacy.
You Might Also Like
Had to explain to my hot guy friend that people are nice to him all the time because he’s hot. Dude thought it was because he was a Pisces
ME: I’ll have an Irish Coffee
BARTENDER: Sure thing *drops a potato into a regular coffee*
totally get it, nature valley bar, i also pretend to be healthy and then crumble under the slightest pressure
I love you Mario but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of
One thing I’ve learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears.
Or I need new glasses. Again.
6 YEAR OLD RENOVATOR: So over here we’ll tear up the carpet, and obviously add a lot of furniture, as the floor will be lava.
It cannot be a coincidence that I am in the market for a stable girlfriend on the exact same day that Britney becomes single.
You look like the kind of girl who would break my heart.
I have a boyfriend.
See, you’re done it already.
The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has zero % success rate
I’m not saying I’ve got a girl crush on you, I’m just saying lesbiadorable together.
British meanings of “you look well”
1. You look well
2. You looked particularly bad when we last met and you’ve improved since then
3. You look larger than last time
4. We both know you’re looking unwell but I’m trying to make you feel better about it
5. I can’t remember who…
If I apply for a job at the railroad,
will they expect me to already know how to do the job
or will they train me?
my 23 y/o boyfriend: have you heard this band? *turns on the beatles*
I accidentally typed ‘thee’ and now I’m listening to lute music and my neighbour Jeff just succumbed to the Plague.
me: [getting murdered]
murderer: [murdering]
murderer’s mom: you’re wearing that to do murder?
murderer: unbelievable
“So we kill a tree”
Ok
“And put it inside our house”
Nice
“Then we hang up some socks”
I’m with ya
“And then we drink egg milk punch”
What
It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt…and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.
HORROR STORY- U are the only one alive in a post apocalyptic world. U tweet and it gets retweeted!
Burned my finger on hot cheese, then immediately burned my mouth with the same hot cheese, if you’re looking for someone with a lizard brain
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP
UNZIP – ZIP*looking for condom in my “Beat It” zipper jacket*
Conservatives should be allowed to say whatever they want once they’re in the camps.
gonna wash my car with my girlfriends pomeranian to spice things up
Darth Vader tried to kill Solo, but sadly struggled with his Han die coordination
saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ
the song “pour some sugar on me” was written about shredded wheat cereal and i won’t be taking any discussion on this.
relax, they say, as if that’s even a real thing
Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.
“I licked your post.”
“You mean you liked my post?”
“No.”