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@Twisted_Mettle: "Let's get this show on the road."
~ Guy who invented parades
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut?
ME: *takes three*
I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength?
ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control
@stephenjmolloy: [Awards ceremony]
"And winner of 'The Most Unusual Name of the Year' goes to... drum roll please..."
Drumroll Please: "Thanks so much!"
@Izianikapani: Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.
@theshantilly: [pushes panic button in the middle of MRI]
Tech: Are you okay? Do you have any questions?
Me: Yeah. Who sang the song that was just playing?