Damn it’s cold out. Better wear a coat, hat, gloves & boots. Sorry legs, you’re still getting pants only, thanks for doing all the work tho
Let’s put the delete button next to the most important, most used button on this app, lol
~App developers probably
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GAME SHOW HOST: Dave, welcome to Embarrass Yourself For Little To No Gain. Are you ready?
ME: Buddy, I’ve been training my entire life for this.
There are 3 types of guys in this world
? 1) Handsome
? 2) Lucky
? 3) Me
My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early.
It was a picture of her at the airport.
I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband.
The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.
Yesterday I wrote an email to a customer named Trish where I apologized profusely, took ownership of our mistakes, and explained we would do anything to correct the situation. I averted disaster two seconds before I sent it when I saw my typo in the first two words, “Dear Trash,”
A co-worker just used the word “elderly” to describe someone my age and that’s why I had to kill her.
My emotional support pig is now my therapy bacon.
If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.