Let’s put the delete button next to the most important, most used button on this app, lol

~App developers probably

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ME: Buddy, I’ve been training my entire life for this.


There are 3 types of guys in this world
? 1) Handsome
? 2) Lucky
? 3) Me


My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early.

It was a picture of her at the airport.


I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband.


The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.


Yesterday I wrote an email to a customer named Trish where I apologized profusely, took ownership of our mistakes, and explained we would do anything to correct the situation. I averted disaster two seconds before I sent it when I saw my typo in the first two words, “Dear Trash,”


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If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.