Today is apparently Ash Wednesday which I can only assume has something to do with our hero from the hit TV show Pokémon.
Let’s watch Star Wars and make out every time kylo ren looks broody
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why did marilyn monroe sing happy birthday like that. she should have sang it normal
My blood type is coffee.
me: can I buy you a drink?
girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one
me: [spits in it] How about now?
I’m so relieved when I see a vehicle pulled over by a cop, I always say, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE.” as I speed past them.
J.K. Rowling: “Theres actually a goat with Harry Potter the entire time, its just never mentioned or does anything.”
In another blow to Hollywood during the pandemic, movie producers and actors in their late 60s warned to stay away from their 20 something girlfriends
*sneezes with a mouthful of toothpaste*
Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over – wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole…struggling…
Okay, dont watch.
The fact that there are space cowboys implies that there are space cows and that’s why I haven’t slept in 4 days.