@HenpeckedHal

Letting my son turn the pages when we read together so he’s more engaged with the story and also because sometimes he accidentally skips pages.

You Might Also Like

@rickygervais

RIP Ronaldo’s Moth. The world’s most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old.

@wildethingy

If I could travel back in time to before the pandemic to give myself one bit of advice, it would be to steal more stationary from work. Much more.

@daemonic3

Leading causes of cancer:
1. Smoking
2. Aging
3. Radiation
4. Diet
5. WebMD

@HenpeckedHal

DATE: I need a shot. Any recommendations?
BARTENDER: *looks me up & down* Penicillin.

@drinksmcgee

If you’re going to lie about where you’re from, at least try to make it sound like a real place and not something fake like “New Zealand”

@derpintine

‘So Timmy, how did you fall into that well?’

‘Oh. I never fell in, I was p-

*sees Lassie do cut throat motion*

-was jumping in.’

@notacroc

Date: wanna get out of here?

Me: let me just tie my shoe *realizes i don’t know how to tie my shoes* how bout another round of spaghetti