@DKSC4LIFE: LIFE HACK: If you’re a spy, marry a vegan. They won’t be upset when they find out you’re a plant.
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@HepatitisAtoZ: *being mugged* me: "im warning you, i know karate" mugger made out of thin, stationary blocks of wood: "oh shit"
@WheelTod: [Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it
@StillRadNotaFad: My daughter has 12 minutes until curfew and Life360 says she is 17 minutes away. The suspense is killing me!