I’ve spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife’s shirt to actually stay on this hanger
…or as I like to call it… fancy pants!
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Guys who say there’s a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties.
Friend from college: Hey! You remember that time…
If a recipe does not call for cheese, I’m gonna assume they forgot it and add an entire large bag. Well 3/4 of bag cause I ate some of it.
Waldo has a tough time at the gym because no one spots him
A group of held hands can raise your spirits.
Buy one annoying person, get two free!
the CIA has been tracking me for years cuz they know i saw two sharks jump out of the water and hi-5 but i’d rather die than rat out a shark
how was your vacation
How long does Chewbacca take to shampoo his hair?