Positive I heard an audible gasp from my car as I drove past the wine store
Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
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For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.
REALITY SHOW IDEA: Put 10 tweeters in a house with only 1 phone charger and plenty of booze.
Sometimes I think I’m pretty well-read and other times I see the word “doing” and pronounce it like it rhymes with “boing.”
In fifth grade, we were supposed to write a story about an antihero but I was only half-listening so I wrote a 6 page story about an ant who helped people quit smoking and my teacher sent me to the school psychologist.
[furious with son]
wife: what happened?
me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish
[son from room] yolo isn’t spanish
me: ya see
*spraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays Axe body spray*
~ guys with ponytails
The act of licking afros.
Your word is Monogamous.
*2 Judges stare at each other*
1st judge *nods*
2nd judge: “We’ll allow it”
I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.