@theshrillest: lol these ppl "don't see race" right up until you start making beloved fictional characters black, then they're 18th century anthropologists
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@ohpegah: [my first attempt at standup] ME: So, I was at the gym the other day... MY STALKER (from the back): lol no you weren't
@SnizzleFrizzle: My three biggest fears are drowning, heights and people that scroll with their index finger.
@PaperWash: Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP