@thomaswhitehead: London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets.
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@ChiefTwittler: Probing: Aliens have had plenty of time to figure out our biology -now they're just having fun.
@this503girl: Recently found out I'm not the devil. I read the tag on my underpants incorrectly; it said "Satin". Oops.
@taramae72: *Mouth full of pizza* Boss: I thought you were trying to lose weight? Me: Waaa? Iths diet peetha.
@farouq_yahaya: I was passing by, and I saw this guy in the bush shouting "Help, snake help" I just laughed because I knew the snake wasn't going to help him "