My 6yo hacker daughter has discovered that she can use her Google mini to control her brother’s Google mini in his room.
I just had to scold her for messing with him by remotely playing random music that he hates, just to troll him
I’m not ready for this.
[looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date]
“I didn’t know birds could climb trees”
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Before Twitter, I’d ignore dumb thoughts in my head like “How do Vampires buy pants if they can’t look in a mirror?”
Now, I tweet them
When life gives you melons,
wear a low cut top.
I ordered some stuff online & they tossed a huge pack of bandaids in the box (that I didn’t order) like they’d met me.
8: I’m worried dolphins will be become endangered.
Me: Every time you don’t clean your room a dolphin dies.
Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it’s cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that’s how it works. Meh.
My family is sound asleep on this early Saturday morning
*Starts to vacuum
How could you be pregnant!?!?!?!?!
I bought he GOOD dollar store condoms!!!
*Sat talking to a girl at a bar*
Brain: Compliment her perfume, nicely.
Me: I AM SMELLING YOU
Brain: Why do you hate me?