
Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
*looks at fish tank
6: It’s part cat and part fish?
Me: No it’s just a fish
*Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest
Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
Do not levitate over flowers
If you say “it’s twelve noon,” I assume you eat cow beef and didn’t do well at education school
Me: thanks for the invite but I’m really not much of a partier haha
Friend: it’s a search party for my missing wife
‘Sorry I liked your Facebook status, I was using my laptop as a plate’- my autobiography
*takes an exam in a coffin*
*passes*
2019: The floor is lava.
2020: The year is lava.
Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves
Yoga instructor: True
Nutritionist: So wise
Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan
18-22 is a confusing age. I got friends getting married, some in prison, and some still have to ask their parents to stay out past curfew.
In the past 3 weeks, my trash has gone out more than I have.