COME TO ME JOURNALBOT
*Journalbot enters my study*
ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. “polargeists”
[very sad robot noises]
*loudly introduces everyone to the elephant in the room
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girl: “id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married”
henry the eighth: “our food sure is taking a while”
I like to wear different wigs to confuse my enemies. If they sent you to the babe with fringe guess who I am now? The girl with braids. Ooops
HER: lmao! You seriously wore pajamas on a first date?
ME: hey!! You’re not blind!!
Me: !!Ugh!! YOUR DAMN DOG IS STARING AT ME AGAIN!
Him: Just ignore him.
Me: I’m trying!
Him: I was talking to the dog…
This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.
My mom used to say “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” and I’d be like “I’ve already got something, but thanks”
To know your enemy, you must become your enemy.
You dance so good girl. Hell yes. That looks great. You are a flower swaying with the wind. Do the running man.
The male mayfly, living for just 1 day, has only 12 hours to become successful enough to buy a sports car, get hair plugs, and start sleeping with his secretary.