@SamuelHLowe: Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
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@oakhillbargrill: That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome.
@SillySassySmart: The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Thanks you too!"
@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms
@IamEnidColeslaw: I stopped going to the beach because people kept mistaking me for a corpse and poking me with sticks