@SamuelHLowe: Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
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@winosaurusmom: After watching HGTV, my husband and I have decided to become dog walkers so we can increase our house hunting budget to 4 million.
@SoulYodeler: Omg I'm so thirsty- *Kool-Aid Man busts through wall* OH YEAHH *Sugar-free zero calorie Kool-Aid Man jiggles door handle* LITTLE HELP HERE
@KalvinMacleod: HR: How do you think we can better handle this in the future? ME [glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut]: idk, maybe don’t hire Cheryl
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: When your crush texts you, win them over by playing hard to get. Throw your phone in a river. Change your name. Move to Belgium.