“Lunchables” is a good name because it doesn’t make any grandiose claims: “This is able to be eaten as lunch.”
You Might Also Like
Wildebeest: 5 cheetahs on the horizon sir
Wildebeest Sergeant: How many men do we have?
Wildebeest: 4,000
Wildebeest Sergeant: RETREAT!
I think about this cartoon a lot.
listen *drags cigarette* you don’t wanna tweet, kid *exhales* we already did all the jokes
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback
Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
With the cost of concert tickets, you better not be asking the crowd to sing, I did not pay to hear a drunk girl sing my favorite song.
Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I’m her boyfriend. I’m flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship
Y’all answering phones calls while on the toilet need Jesus
A city girl was bequeathed an inn, but it’s all run down and doesn’t have any water and the only person in town for the holidays is the ruggedly handsome guy who just lost his wife
Every DJ knows the best response to a request is “yeah sure” then not play the song.
Pro Tip: you can’t just be sorry. You have to understand why I expect you to be sorry and be able to articulate that back to me in detail
Dear scientists,
We have enough milks stop milking things and cure cancer
°pulls up to drive-thru°
[ME] ONE NUMBER 4 WITH A COKE
[FREIND] aren’t you on a diet
[ME] oh yeah..AND A BOOK ABOUT MANNERS FOR MY FRIEND
Jeff Bezos going to space gives me a nervous feeling. Like what if something happens and he doesn’t stay there, you guys?
2-year-old: Dad?
Me: What?
2: Are chickens real?
Me:
2:
Me: No one knows.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964): An adolescent reindeer is first mocked, and then taken advantage of because of a birth deformity.
Not many talk about it anymore, ever since they dropped the sport as “not Olympic enough,” “undignified and stupid,” and “Who the hell let him in here again?” but I was proud to represent the US at the ’56 Winter Games in Men’s Pillow-Fighting.
It’s almost as if my husband actually believes I’m saving us money when I say “I got it on sale.”
Catfishing my ex… So you could say we’re back together.
I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that’s all well & good but they totally got the giraffe’s accent wrong.
godzilla: lol KING kong, a little pretentious aren’t we
king kong: oh you’re one to talk
If you tase an electrician, he only becomes more powerful.
Hand-sanitizer gives you that clean, my hands are still dirty, feeling.
We have a lot of famous Chrises;
Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt, Pine, and the infamous -tal Meth
Me: I’m exhausted.
My mom: You look exhausted.
Me: How DARE you.
People who look pretty & put together at the airport, how dare you?
pisses me off when I’m taking a longer than average drink at the drinking fountain and someone says “hey save some for the fishes” when just before i’d filled up a bucket at the drinking fountain and drove it to the nearest lake and dumped it in there
[first date]
her: i love mysterious guys
him: good
me: [in the bushes] good
What idiot called it “salad” and not “la sad”
[landlord showing new tenant around]
“No smoking allowed”
“How about pets?”
“That’s fine”
[dog walks in and lights up]
“We’ll take it”