@WheelTod

[Lying on the grass, staring at the full moon]

Her: You looked different in your profile picture.

Werewolf: I forgot to check the calendar

You Might Also Like

@FrazzleMyGimp

[math class]

ME: {whispering} Were we supposed to draw a giraffe or a graph?

FRIEND: Graph. Wait did you draw a giraffe?

ME: Uhh-

FRIEND: {looks at my paper} But this is a graph.

ME: Yeah I’m not very good at drawing giraffes.

@SwoonTwang

I don’t have tinted windows on my car because if people don’t like watching me dance, they can tint their own goddamn windows.

@HavocMantis

The homework is due on Monday.
“Can I get an extension?”
The homework is due on Monday.png

@KateWhineHall

Advice for life:
1. Be kind.
2. Be brave.
3. Make sure your garage door is all the way up before backing out.

@briangaar

Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I’m orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad.

@briangaar

Zooey Deschanel always looks like she’s been shown a card trick

@AsgardianRose

Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.

@charliedelta7

I like taking my cats out for a drive to show them roadkill so they know what will happen if they ever leave me.