@joejwest

MAGICIAN: Think of a horse
ME: Ok
MAGICIAN: You thinking of one?
ME: Yep
MAGICIAN: Cool right?
ME: Very cool

You Might Also Like

@thesulk

Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

@stevevsninjas

Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.

@TweetsByTheTony

In pretty sure my wife’s most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags.

@FatherWithTwins

Remember, it’s not a real paleo diet unless you’re eating mammoth every day.

@BigJDubz

STOP PUTTING DIARRHOEA MEDICATION ON THE BOTTOM SHELF

@SexytotheNorth

*selects Warrant’s Cherry Pie on jukebox.

*starts dancing on counter top in cafe.

*enjoys a piece of hot pie in back of police cruiser.

@PimpleEye

I always carry cake, just in case someone pulls a knife on me.

@LackOfShame

Me: They were out of tampons, so I got you a box of bandaids instead.

Her: