@Scimommy

#MakeAFilmUncomfortable Four Wedgies and a Funeral

#MakeAFilmUncomfortable Four Wedgies and a Funeral

- @Scimommy

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@shutupmikeginn

The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.

@singwithTaffy

I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous

@thenatewolf

I have a hot house to protect me from the cold outside. Inside my hot house I have a smaller cold house to protect my food from the heat of my hot house.

@ArfMeasures

[Chasing a dog on my bike]

Me *breathlessly* how is he reaching the pedals?!

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: Why do you love me?

Wife: *shrugs*

Me: Why do you find me annoying?

Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*

@Darlainky

You know what else is crazy?

*googles synonyms for crazy*

@Midgetspar

If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with “Buy a penguin”. Imagine a scenario where that isn’t awesome.

@LoveNLunchmeat

Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I’m a Pisces, and we’re just so damn indecisive.

@ChicksRule

[milking a cow]
Cow: ooh, harder, daddy, harder
Farmer: what?
Cow: I mean – moo