[making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice!

[spending money] Ah no this feels bad also

You Might Also Like


Me, “I need to get in shape.”
Hubs, “What flavor? Chocolate or Vanilla?”
Me, “Shape, not Shake.”
Hubs, “So….”
Me, “Chocolate.”


[Blackstreet Bakery]

Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] “I love the way you work it”

Baker: “No diggity?”

Me: “Baguette up.”


……bless you
……bless you
……bless you


I bought 28 items at the grocery store today and the bagger managed to strategically fit them into just 21 bags.


Friend : Going to therapy saved my marriage.

Me: I’m so sorry.


“I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there’s no walk of shame I’m an early morning scholar #3.9GPA” – NSU


Vegetarian: ‘You know, a cow died so you could have that burger’. Me: ‘Maybe he died because you keep eating all of his food’.


I just plugged the charger into my phone, in the correct hole, on the first try.

So it IS possible, guys.


I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there’s no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.


[watching The Silence of the Lambs]

Me: Hear that?

Her: No

Me [trying to impress her, leaning in close]: That’s the lambs