4: *tells me a loooong rambling story about school*
Me: *asks her ONE follow up question*
4: don’t want to talk about it anymore
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Ha! OK I’ll get off the OK shite now
CEO: Why do you think you’d be a good fit at our firm?
GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:
*thousands of puppies flooding onto the battlefield*
General: “STAY STRONG, MEN!”
*soldiers just petting puppies everywhere*
[on a date]
him: I hope you’re a Game of Thrones fan.
me: *stabs him with a sword then sleeps with his brother*
What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy
I think the lady at the movies is “shushing” me, but I can’t tell because I’m eating Doritos.
When someone’s all, “Words cannot begin to describe …” I’m all YES THEY CAN YOU HAVE A LIMITED VOCABULARY.
I hide the fact that I can’t swim by eating every 15 minutes.
bank robber: show me the vault!
clerk (an amateur gymnast): oh hell yeah