@bdbdleeroybrown: Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork.
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@ComedicBust: Before you say you "value my opinion," just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3.
@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
@Cheeseboy22: I think the reason giraffes don't ride in hot air balloons is that their faces would probably get fried off in that flame thing.