Marriage is like when you were a kid on Easter and saw this HUGE chocolate bunny in your basket.
But it was hollow. And white chocolate.
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I have a bad feeling I’ll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
“My bf and I were having dinner with my family and I asked for my daddy to pass the sriracha my bf and my dad both reached for it” – Harvard
[sits next to friend in a coma, holding her hand]
“Squeeze once if that’s an 8 at the end of your HBO Go password.”
THEY SAY CHRIS BROWN GOT WORST TATTOO EVER! NO AGREE! DRUNK HULK THINK TATTOO GOT WORST PERSON EVER!
There is no law stating that you have to explain why you’re carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.
The first time I bit into a Cadbury egg I understood women who spit.
what idiot called it a best man instead of a lord of the rings
[After Big Jewel Heist]
“We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan”
ME(holding my grappling hook I didn’t get to use): Yea it was ok
Hannah is single for a reason