[looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date]
“I didn’t know birds could climb trees”
Sounds like you’re going to be pregnant forever.
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If theres an otter, youre underwater. If a ferret you see, then on land you be.
*wraps bacon in bacon wrapped bacon*
* Grows beard to woo women *
* Receives recruitment email from ISIS *
my mom: don’t fill up on bread, that’s how they get you
me: that’s how they get YOU, coward. i will bankrupt this olive garden
ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Cashier: Want carry-out help?
*Richard Gere appears in Navy uniform & sweeps me into his arms-I’ve forgotten my groceries
but like if you somehow manage to launch yourself to the ISS they ought to let you in? right??
asking for a friend
Hermione: For once I want the teacher to get my name right!
Gar4y With a Silent 4: Totally know what ya mean
“MEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH THE GREEKS & MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL”
“Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse”
“Oh rad bring it in”