@ShesAllNat: Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box
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@Love_bug1016: [plane about to crash] him: if there’s anything you want to say to me, now’s the time. me: I watched all of Stranger Things without you. Good news is I can tell you how it ends before we die.
@roboticcrab: “Easy as pie” does not sound easy to me. Make it “Easy as Hot Pockets” or “Easy as eating six pickles straight out of the jar without even closing the fridge”
@_coryrichardson: her: i’m in a sorority me trying to impress: [nervous] oh really i’m- i’m in a frat her: are u in kappa sig me: [sweating, has already forgotten what she said] ya i’m in peppa pig