@F5X11
@david8hughes
[sliding $5 to the zookeeper]
Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?
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@david8hughes
@elle91
In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.
@BoomBoomBetty
Boxing Day is just another excuse for me to binge watch all the Rocky movies.
@Tmoney68
BREAKING: Apple reportedly prepping electric car.
Battery life is expected to be about an hour, with a 2 foot charging cable.
@MRagaab
You’re a guy, therefore you can’t “hehehehe”.
@KimDotcom
“The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they’re not always accurate.”
– Albert Einstein
@Donnie_Fairburn
[Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man]
“Hey”
Hi
“Can I ask you something?”
Yup
“Why’d you name the dog ‘Another Man’ babe?”
@HaliPhacks
*Puts arm band, white tank top, and fake moustache on cat*
There ya go, Freddie Purr-cury.
@rolldiggity
1. Cover elevator floor with glue.
2. Put ring on floor.
3. Wait for someone to kneel and get stuck.
4. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”
@pissrifle
this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*