@Birdhumms: Maybe it's not auto correct, mayve it's your big fat clumsy dingers.
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@TwinSurvivalist: If I hear a bump in the night, I'm hoping my kids investigate and annoy any potential intruder until he leaves.
@CopernicusG: CO-WORKER: Hey, I overheard you talking about followers or something. You on Twitter? ME *sweating*: Uh, I'm in a cult
@david8hughes: [son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's that Son: it's our house Me [walks outside with son]: do you see how it absolutely isn't?