She shouted “GET SOMETHING TO PUT ON BEE STINGS”
I fetched her one of her bras.
Now we’re not talking. Apparently.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me ma’am without adding, “You’re making a scene”
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Me: *pooping my pants* I’ve actually never left North America doc
Captain Planet (1991) – a gang of illegal immigrant Eco-terrorists summon a demon to terrorise job creators
You’re on my hair
“A black man follows me when it’s sunny outside. When it’s cloudy, he goes home.”
“Brick, that’s your shadow.”
13: Dad, What’s detour mean?
Me: Get a dictionary and look up tampon.
My daughter loves all the toys she sees in commercials. So of course I have to tell her they don’t exist in real life, just on tv.
Many racist Trump supporters were stung by Clinton’s speech calling them a “basket of deplorables.” The rest had to go look up “deplorable.”
“It is a race horse”
Sorry, I don’t see race
ME AT 19: I’m gonna travel to so many countries!
ME AT 29: I’m gonna try a new craft beer!
ME AT 39: I’m gonna try a different cat litter