@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
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@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@WittySassBasket: Never noticed how many times the doorbell rings on The Golden Girls? Watch it with a dog.
@TheIronSherk: Judge: plz tell the court what happened Victim: he attacked me with this! [holds up pasta strainer] Judge: that doesn't hold any water
@WowYoureFunny: If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?