PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough
DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol
Me: *about to get kidnapped* What kind of puppy?
You Might Also Like
We cut open the cake at the gender reveal party and out spill thousands of fire ants. The guests howl. FIRE ANTS ARE MOSTLY MALE, I explain
ME: *tells joke*
WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school
ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th
Once in my life I’d like a password or username prompt to be all, “Shit you’ve almost got it. You’re getting closer.”
Computer: Choose a password.
Computer: Dude, this is a format tweet, don’t use your actual password.
“Daddy, there’s a mime under the bed!”
That’s ridiculous, why would you think that?
OH DEAR GOD RUN
I don’t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense. Like a Bear at mile 3.
“Calm down” I suggested.
“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M NOT CALM?” she carved in the side of my truck.
[Uncle Sam opening gifts at his July 4 birthday celebration]
*sigh* another stars and stripes top hat
I act all mature and parental until there is only one popsicle left.