I asked my 5yo not to do something, and he just smiled maniacally and nodded his head until I gave up. I’m going to try this on my wife.
(me as a paramedic)
*rubbing two cymbals together*
*slams cymbals together*
You Might Also Like
*Turns up “Eye of the Tiger”*
*jumps imaginary rope*
*takes awesome nap*
*crowned World Nap Champion third day in a row*
Me: while you’re up there let’s do a Spider-Man kiss
My dental hygienist: still no
It’s been 7 years since Prince told Kim Kardashian to get off the stage.
date: so you work from home
long armed steve: technically yes
Let’s make it weird.
Dont worry. I’ll start.
When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.
ME [Puts up “Have u seen my dog?” posters across town]
HER: Oh no! You’ve lost your dog!
M: No I just think u should see him. He’s awesome
My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email.
When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can’t open my eyes under water