Chuck Norris once gave an uppercut to a horse!
Now we have Giraffes.
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complaining about your wife’s stories will result in having to sit through her story about the time you complained about her stories
I’m around a bunch of people right now remembering why I don’t like being around a bunch of people
It will turn green in
Ah yes nailed it.
All girls love surprises. I didn’t know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can’t understand women.
Watch your wedding video backwards. You’ll love the part when you take your ring off, walk away from the altar, & leave with your friends.
The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.
News: Hillary won the debate!
My friends: Bernie won the debate!
Trump: I won the debate!
Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!
Living well isn’t the best revenge. A crowbar to the head is the best revenge.
January 27th is Mozart’s birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old.
Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday