@RCKruseKontrol

ME: babe i don’t think the acid we dropped is working

GIANT BLUE OX: are you sure

You Might Also Like

@gfoster18

Around 70% of the earth is made up of water, and the other 30% is filled with news articles about George Zimmerman

@mattgallo123

Everyone’s like “the things I want for Christmas can’t be bought.” And I’m like “Legos. I want legos.”

@K_blue

Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can’t fire you if they can’t find you.

@JB4Realz

Taught my grandmother that “Jabroni” means “fine young man” and it’s made our time out in public way more interesting.

@LizHackett

Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.

@andlikelaura

Harry Potter at an interview

Interviewer: It says here you defeated Lord Voldemort when you were 17 years-old.
Harry: That’s correct, sir.
Interviewer: But no experience with Excel. Wow.

@TheTweetOfGod

Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero.

@simoncholland

Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.