I’m not saying don’t trust the internet, but there’s an alarming discrepancy in the number of Ipads I’ve won & the number of Ipads I own.
ME: babe i don’t think the acid we dropped is working
GIANT BLUE OX: are you sure
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every For Him gift guide is just like “have you considered sock?? what about TOOL??“
Headed to a funeral. #yolo
Every time. 😂
Her: Who’s your favourite character in the Muppet Show?
Me: The vampire
Her: He doesn’t count
Me: I can assure you that he does
This kid’s parent is the WORST at taking pictures lmfaooo
Someone at this party is wearing the same shirt as me. It’s very awkward. How did this happen. We barely even fit in this shirt.
Me: Who made this mess?
8-year-old: Not me.
6-year-old: Not me.
4-year-old: Not me.
3-year-old: A horse. I saw it.
I have a suspect.
Snake: Oh shit it’s a wolf we gotta run
Armadillo: Go on without me
Snake: no just-
Snake: Wait where the hell are you
I’m trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he’s pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit.