Why’d they call it “The Empire Strikes Back” and not “Cool Hand, Luke”?
ME: Brad’s here
HUSBAND: Brad who needs space or Brad who’s paranoid about being murdered?
BRAD: OMG u 2 are smothering me
ME: I’ve no idea
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I like making babies… Unsuccessfully, of course.
I think they could have phrased this better
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have
WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit
To be honest, the only reason I’m interested in space is to experience the sublime satisfaction of throwing an enemy out of an airlock.
“What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?”
“Out. Just get out.”
I’am drinking with my new GF and her gay friend from work. So there’s 100% chance I’am getting laid and a 50% chance I’ll like it.
canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it’s called self care
I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the Winchesters are retiring this year and Pestilence just rode in on a white horse.
[slipping DJ $20] my good sir would you turn it down a skooch