Let’s all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.
Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Me: well apparently not
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When my wife wanted to have a second child – her exact words were “it’s just rinse and repeat”.
To this day that’s still the funniest joke she’s ever told.
I feel guilty about being Asian because I didn’t start playing the violin since I was born.
“Will you marry me?”
“The cookie was poison”
“The lotto numbers will never win”
Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies
Of course morning sex is better.
You haven’t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
ME: I’ll take one of those giant forks.
WORKER: That’s a rake.
ME: I’m gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….nnn…..I just love smell of campfires.
*sees McChicken video*
*goes back to church*
Show someone you love them today by rearranging the apps on their phone.